One of the most significant challenges I have faced is the tendency for people to feel sorry for me because of what I lost due to my sin. These sincere and well-meaning individuals, though trying to offer comfort, often become a source of discouragement. They pity me for what I can no longer do because of the sinful choices I made. However, what I feel is remorse—not regret.
I am remorseful that I allowed my relationship with God to be damaged by giving in to the lusts of the flesh. I am remorseful that I brought harm to the name of Christ through my actions. Most of all, I am remorseful for grieving my Savior and Heavenly Father with my disobedience. This remorse constantly reminds me of the person I could become if I don’t walk closely with the Lord and daily seek His strength and power. Remorse is the sorrow I feel for what I did.
Regret, on the other hand, is sorrow for what has been lost because of sin. While I occasionally experience regret, I know that dwelling on it can lead to despair and feelings of worthlessness. Lost opportunities can become new opportunities if we repent and fully surrender to the Lord, allowing Him to use us however He sees fit. If I focus on what I can no longer do, I risk missing what I still can do. Sin doesn’t forfeit our right to be used by God—it only changes the roles and opportunities we once had.
God still desires to use me. My responsibility is to let Him work through me in every way possible. Some people feel sad because they believed I would one day continue my father’s ministry in Hammond, Indiana. That might have been the case if I hadn’t made the choices I did. But now, I must either spend my life regretting what I can’t do or invest my life in what I still can do. I choose the latter.
For a long time, I struggled with what I could no longer do for Christ. That selfish focus led me back into sin. My pride couldn’t handle being a “second-string” servant after once being a “starter.” That mindset was just another form of surrendering to the flesh, which led to further failure. Service to God should never be about the size of the opportunity but about the privilege of serving Him at all.
Indeed, there are things I once could do that I can no longer do, but there are also things I can do now that I couldn’t do before. God never looked down and said, “Uh-oh.” In His sovereignty, He knew where my choices would lead, and He prepared opportunities for me if I would humble myself. Because of that, I’m excited about the future instead of being trapped by past regrets.
When David and Bathsheba’s child was near death, David fasted and prayed for God to spare the child. But when the child died, David didn’t wallow in despair. “Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the Lord, and worshipped.” (2 Samuel 12:20) David accepted God’s judgment, trusted in His grace, and moved forward.
David couldn’t undo his sin or its consequences, but he could continue serving God. That’s what I’ve learned too. I can’t change the past, but I can surrender today and every day after to God’s will.
God doesn’t want me—or anyone—to live in regret. He wants us to learn from our failures and move forward with remorse that leads to growth, not regret that leads to defeat. “For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” (2 Corinthians 7:10)
So, I refuse to live in regret. I choose to let remorse refine me and allow God to use me however He sees fit. My past doesn’t define me—God does.